Integrating the Inappropriate

Today in my Calculus 2 class (slogan: "this time it's not Calculus 1"), we learned about improper integrals. Now, before you start thinking this was some great math drama about an aging single math professor who falls in love with a 30 year old graduate student who writes beautiful integrals, I should tell you it's not that interesting. In fact, it's so boring, I won't even describe what they are. 

However, I do think there are other ways that integrals are improper. Just look at the way integrals are drawn: 

Look at those curves! No wonder math majors have a hard time meeting women; they have unrealistic expectations from working thousands of math problems! The more I thought about these insidious symbol objectifying mathematicians, the more I realized just how pervasive their symb-ography is. Just look at the pi, the most innocent of numbers:

So curvaceous! Think about the toll these unrealistic symbol expectations must take upon the poor sigma sign:

It's time we step up and put an end to the flagrant use of symbolic augmentation and stop these lecherous lecturers. Write all your math using flat symbols. Write your congressperson and make Congress pass a Flat Math Act. Tell them it's sort of like a flat tax. Support members of your family that struggle with math image problems. If all else fails, save yourself the heartbreak, just stop doing math.