Aw, Quote This!

This week, while I was on a geology field trip, we spent many long hours in the bus. Now, this is Utah, so there were no people in the back making out. Actually, this was because there were no cute girls who... nevermind. But there was an obnoxious kid a couple of rows up that kept trying to be funny, and make me and my friend laugh. He failed miserably. His methods were worthless. As I sat in the bus, trying to block out the noise of his voice quoting various movies and humorous websites, I found myself visualizing different ways that I could make him die a horrible, painful, ignominious death. Actually, I suddenly realized that I could write a blog about him in which I would make fun of him, thus extracting revenge, AND also receive credit for it if I added some "analytical" tidbits. This is what I call killing two metaphorical birds with one metaphorical stone. Literally, the extent to which killing two birds with one stone is possible is debatable. So, in using that story, I have set the stage for this blog, in which I will analyze the culture of quoting things, or, as I call it, Bonsteel Syndrome. It will be completely sincere, in the same way that I am when I refer to the person grading these as, "O Captain, My Captain" or Sir Richie. The Third.

What causes this senseless quoting in our society? Well, as you could probably guess, there are several reasons. As you could probably also guess, I will be covering a few of them, because there are simply too many to be feasibly written about, and I also don't want to have to make up more than three. The first reason is that people are trying to be funny. This is the biggest load of bull larkey (Essay Question: What is "bull larkey?" What are its sociopolitcal and economic effects in Mozambique?) I have heard in a long time. The kid I referred to before, the one with Bonsteel Syndrome, was trying to be funny, but really wasn't. The simple reality is that it's never as funny the second time. Or quite frankly, it's not funny the thousandth time either, which is a fact that many find hard to grasp. So STOP QUOTING NAPOLEON DYNAMITE!!! Sorry. That just makes me so angry that I have to write in caps, making that statement jump out of the page (but not literally). And yet, though this is the case, we still have many (dare I say it, nerds) who quote movies, trying to recapture some of the glory of the original, desperate for attention, for laughs, for popularity, and for Phil McPherson in their fourth period class to stop giving them swirlies in the school toilets.

The second reason is because we are taught all our lives in school that quoting is the good thing to do. This reason will be divided into two sections to give me my "three reasons." The first is the reason that English teachers give you. That the quotes capture the true feelings of the author and prove that you actually read the book. However, many online study guides include an "Important Quotations" section, which really rules out the second reason. But this blogger declares on the record, and would do so in front of "O Captain My Captain," that he would never participate in such clandestine online study guiding. At least without reading the book first, and not having any clue what illegal substance the author was on when the book was written.

The "third" reason is the one that science teachers and history teachers give you. Quotes lend credibility. This also really doesn't make perfect sense. You could quote anyone, perhaps get a quote from any obscure bum on the streets. You history and science teachers are all leaning back in your seats and chuckling, grinning and murmuring to yourselves, "Ohoho, that's where you're wrong." Because, the credibility of a quote relies on the credibility of the person quoted. You need someone respected in politics, someone who's written in several academic journals you would refuse to read at gunpoint, someone who is not the custodian at your school. However, this is balderdash (The British version of "bull larkey"). For example, I could quote Hugo Chavez, and say that George "W." Bush "is the devil," but this would not necessarily render "W." worthy of the honor. Also, there are always academics on the edge of insanity (they call it being "avant garde") that you could quote. For example, on November 4, 2006, the Daily Herald newspaper printed a story about a professor at Idaho State University who is convinced that Big Foot exists, and has collected numerous footprints. A fellow professor can be quoted as saying, "It's embarrassing."

There you have it. Three good analytical reasons for quoting. And I'll be totally honest with you, I think they're pretty analytical. There so analytical they deserve full credit, but only if Sir Rich, the King of Commas, Guardian of Grammar, Lord of Literature really feels that they would, in his honest opinion, based on his infinite wisdom, merit full credit. If he would, in his mercy, bestow a full grade upon me, his humble servant, I would be very grateful. I would probably actually read books for fun. That way, I could, to quote the great man himself, who actually said this based on personal experience (This isn't confirmed, but in light of his interests, which are, undoubtedly, when considering the magnitude of the personality of his person... interesting interests (grammar), it's a logical inference) "Read to know I'm not alone."