Thanksgiving, A Good Time For Christmas

Thanksgiving. A wonderful time of the year that we can slow down our lives, when we can stop and think about… Christmas. Because of this, a couple of questions come to my mind. Why do we skip Thanksgiving for Christmas? Why do we skip the grateful, and go straight to the giving ( aka receiving)? Why do eggs explode in the microwave? Now, these questions probably won’t all be answered, but I’m sure that if you looked hard enough, you could find some deep symbolism that would answer the question. If you do, you know you’re an English teacher, and should probably do community service by shooting yourself in the head. I'm just joking, Sir Rich. What would I do with my free time if you weren't there to fill it with assignments? Probably not be writing this, that's for sure!

Obviously, to start this "analytical essay," I need to establish that Thanksgiving is skipped. Many people don't like it. In our diet driven society, Thanksgiving, the day of obesity, is slowly losing its competitive edge in the hard cruel world of holidays, as more and more people are tempted (by none other than Lucifer himself) to try the "tofu turkey. (it's probably a weapon of some sort)" The other day, and this is a verbatim quote that I heard in the halls who's name shall remain secret to protect an innocent from a certain English teacher who might make this person explain where this "synthesis" came from, "Thanksgiving is lame."

Another example of Thanksgiving being skipped occurred this morning. Thanksgiving morning. I went out to get the paper. I almost didn't return. Because, every business you could possibly think of had placed ads in the paper today in preparation for Christmas. I nearly broke my arm trying to lift that thing, and I swim for 3 hours a day, and weight lift every other day! Needless to say, this in itself is a problem, cause I can only imagine how crowded the emergency rooms are going to be today, as countless people go in with broken arms.

Why are all these businesses putting out ads today, for Day After Thanksgiving Sales? Though it may seem that these people are simply trying to inform the public about what's happening in society, let's not kid ourselves. Business people are no where near that altruistic. No, contrary to common belief, businesses aren't losing money on sales. Otherwise, they wouldn't be desperately looking for any excuse to have a sale (I bet there's a 9/11 Sale, Slogan: "Give Us Your Money, It Won't Support The War Effort" or perhaps "Prices Are Falling Just Like The Twin Towers"). Believe it or not, businesses are looking to make money on Christmas, and since this is the biggest buying season of the year, every business is out to be the metaphorical "early bird" that gets the metaphorical "worm." To quote a certain French teacher, the American way is, "be greedy first, give later." Thanksgiving doesn't stand a chance, because there simply isn't enough money to be made on Thanksgiving. Only grocery stores make any money, and as powerful as Smith's (Market Fresh Every Day!) might be, it simply can't stand up to Toy's "ARR, Maties" Us (Exortion Is Fun!).

Another reason I've heard for this senseless skipping of Thanksgiving is the lack of Thanksgiving songs. Sure, I'm certain that many of you are now humming the Adam Sandler Turkey Song, and I'm definitely glad that I'm not hearing it, but there really aren't any other songs. However, I'm not sure that even Thanksgiving Songs would really get the holiday anywhere. Because there really isn't a possiblity of topping Christmas songs, many of which are about the Savior, which are really the only reminder of the true meaning of Christmas. Because, despite any other reason you might come up with for why Christmas dominates Thanksgiving, commercialism is still at the "heart" of the issue. But hey, I say bring it on, cause then we get to see what truly makes this country great, namely, credit cards.