Managing the Microwave Menace

Today, at University Forum, I listened to a speech entitled, "Microwaves, Icebergs and Global Warming." Naturally, I assumed that he would be refuting any evidence of global climate change. So when I heard the words, "global warming is real," I nearly went berserk with rage. I ignored the rest of the speech, instead desperately visualizing myself punching the speaker in the head each time he mentioned global warming, in an attempt to preserve my dogmatic conservative paradigm. 

I was largely successful.

However, after the speech ended, I was left with no idea of what had actually been said, and only vaguely remembered animated displays of ice fluctuation. I can only guess from the title of the speech that microwaves are the cause for "global warming." 

Obviously, microwaves are now a luxury the liberal schemers out there are trying to get us to give up. I don't care if it's gonna kill the planet, I want my leftovers warm. You liberals could try to tell me otherwise, but I won't be paying attention. I'll be imagining myself punching you in the face.

i, CoinFlip

It's a pretty well known fact that I am an aspiring nerd. This next week in my Data Structures class (it's as deliciously scandalous as it sounds), the project is to write a program that predicts what the user will guess in a coin flip. Sounds innocent, right?

Wrong. This computer program learns based on the user's guesses. That's right, it learns. If the user uses any type of pattern, whether consciously or subconsciously, the program will learn and take advantage of it! 

This is terrifying. It could spell the destruction of our nation and our movie industry. I'm sure you're thinking, "What could a program that guesses coin flipping predictions possibly do?" Well, here are a few examples to show just how insidious this program could be.

I'm considering not doing the project. But I think I'd rather get a good grade in Professor Barker's class than prevent the destruction of mankind.