Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Managing the Microwave Menace

Today, at University Forum, I listened to a speech entitled, "Microwaves, Icebergs and Global Warming." Naturally, I assumed that he would be refuting any evidence of global climate change. So when I heard the words, "global warming is real," I nearly went berserk with rage. I ignored the rest of the speech, instead desperately visualizing myself punching the speaker in the head each time he mentioned global warming, in an attempt to preserve my dogmatic conservative paradigm. 

I was largely successful.

However, after the speech ended, I was left with no idea of what had actually been said, and only vaguely remembered animated displays of ice fluctuation. I can only guess from the title of the speech that microwaves are the cause for "global warming." 
Obviously, microwaves are now a luxury the liberal schemers out there are trying to get us to give up. I don't care if it's gonna kill the planet, I want my leftovers warm. You liberals could try to tell me otherwise, but I won't be paying attention. I'll be imagining myself punching you in the face.
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8 comments:

  1. Lacking ProductivityJan 28, 2009, 1:56:00 PM

    Let's get real here. If I have leftover food, I want to conserve it by storing for the next day and reheating it in the microwave. If I did not have a microwave, then I would do one of 2 things with my food: throw it away, thus wasting it, or use more energy than my microwave would have taken to turn on the oven to reheat it there. It seems obvious to me that microwaves are the single cooking option for those of us who care about penguins.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Chlorine AddictJan 28, 2009, 4:31:00 PM

    Kira, you are so green it disgusts me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. NatalieJan 28, 2009, 10:30:00 PM

    Did you miss the part where he told us there is no such thing as rocket science?

    ReplyDelete
  4. splinger moosebuttJan 29, 2009, 7:31:00 AM

    I think it's sad that science is so biased as to ignore the possibility that cause and effect might go the other way. No one is asking how icebergs are affecting microwaves. What if icebergs are controlling microwaves to cause human warming? Now there's a bone chilling scenario. The damage done to humans could make the sinking of the Titanic look like, uh, just the tip of the iceberg.

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  5. SteverinoFeb 1, 2009, 8:57:00 PM

    Dude, follow the money. I'm sure I heard somewhere that Obama owns controlling interest in Hamilton Beach, a leading producer of . . . (dramatic pause) TOASTER OVENS!! Clearly, the microwave-global warming connection is just a way of lining liberal pockets by encouraging a ban on microwave ovens, and Guess Who will be waiting in the wings to sell us toaster ovens?

    ReplyDelete
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