Civil Engineering: A Good Waste Of Money

This week, I had to go to Mutual. I mean, I had the opportunity to go, because we got to listen to a civil engineer talk about Katrina for an hour and half. I'll admit that nothing could have topped off watching 150 white slides, with a couple of pictures on them. Sir Clark (aka Sir Awesome, King of the Universe, One of the Three Nephites, and Mark And Kyler's Role Model Forever) does a much better job of narrating such slide shows ("Now, we don't usually build houses on top of cars..."), and his even have RED slides, and the occasional picture of a DINOSAUR. Needless to say, soon "Dirty Little Secret" Card was texting "...---...". Wait. That was the telegraph. I meant to say that he was texting, "Save Me" to everyone he knew. Then President Ludwig threw my shoe.

But that doesn't mean that the activity was totally without interesting parts. After he got done telling us that houses float for the 200th time, the civil engineer told us stories wherein he managed to lose 2 "moles," heavy drill bit like pieces of equiptment worth five million. Then he went on to tell us that civil engineers don't make much money. Well I wonder why? Maybe it's because they're too busy losing millions of taxpayer dollars to make any for themselves. This really gets my goose (so give it back!). Why in the world does the government do such stupid things? Why do they waste our money? Probably because they wouldn't know what to do if the federal debt wasn't increasing. Afterall, credit (debt) is the sign of real economics. At least that's what the world tells us. It really doesn't make much sense, but neither does the government. Or maybe they're trying to make our lives better. It's an odd twist on the idea of the government, but I think it might be true. Here's another example of the government trying to make our lives better and just wasting our money:

No Child Left Behind. The idea of this is basically that the government spends taxpayer money to make sure that kids who would normally drop out and be supported by welfare will take tests and maintain a specific level of proficiency, so they can drop out and be supported by welfare. Obviously, it's phenominally successful. It's implementer, George "Walker, Texas Ranger" Bush stated recently that he wasn't a "lame duck." Well, obviously, No Child Left Behind is doing a great job with him too, cause he understands that he's not a duck, despite having weird looking lips that kind of look like it.

Well, I'm done. I'm going. And I can't think of some sort of witty way to end it, so I guess I'll end it with a "call to arms." (everyone get your arm and hold it in your other arm...) We need to take a stand against stupid ways of spending taxpayer money! We need to do something about this! I propose that someone else do the writing, cause I would probably just write, "...---..." cause I'm done writing this blog.

Time To Blog

For decades, people have written stories about how eventually machines will take over the world and rule all humans. It's already happened. Yes, we've already all been enslaved by clocks. Society is dictated by the whims of tiny little machines that display numbers or "Roman Numerals" (which, as far as I can tell, have nothing to do with Romans, not even pictures of them). A perfect example of this is alarm clocks. Alarm clocks are these malevolent little things that like to beep when you don't want them to. They are evil. They love to make you wake up in the early morning, when no one should be up, when it's cold outside, or when it's dark outside. Imagine just how great our society would be if we didn't let the jerks wake us up, and just slept as late as possible! Sure, we'd be unproductive and lazy, but who cares? The rest of the world already thinks we are. A couple more hours of sleep would be well worth an image we already have.

So why are we slaves to time? Perhaps it's part of man's constant search for order and organization. Because deep down inside, we are all OCD. Without exception. Unless your name is Mr. Rich, and having OCD could possibly affect my grade. This leads to tons of discrimination. Societal norms dictate sleeping at night. Those who don't are labelled as "insomniacs." Society dictates that we are in class on time at obscure times like 10:43 and 26 seconds. Those who fail to conform are penalized. This really shows some sort of conspiracy. Obviously, those who are high in society have made some sort of deal with time. My guess is that they force everyone to obey clocks in return for the alarm clocks not harassing them.

This slavery has been going on since Biblical times. Ecc. 3 states that there is "a time to every purpose under the heaven." Those clocks sure are ambitious. Not simply content to dictating human lives, they want to control everything "under the heaven". We need to take action! We need to stand up for our rights! We need to push the snooze button! I have a lot more to say, but it's time for me to go.

Happy End Of The Term Eve!

Yes, it's that time of the year again. I call it End Of The Term Eve. A time when we have the opportunity to sit back and contemplate just how much the term happened to be no fun at all. A time to right wrongs in the form of bad grades. A time of friendship, when the parents of the "A" students yell at teachers. A time to get everything in, including blogs. My only regret is that I will be unable to date this blog into the future on Sunday at 1:43 PM, because Lord Rich might possibly fail to notice that comments on the blog are dated, technically, before the blog ever existed.

I will now examine the Term End Neurosis that so often accompanies the term end, namely what the French call poisson du ciel (literally "wailing and gnashing of teeth"). As the acronym (TEN) suggests, it could also stand for Tortuous English Neurosis, and be explained through ten different answers. Wait. That can't possibly be correct. No way in the world would I accept an acronym that would force me to work. Instead, I will analyze the "term is Over syNdromE."

What could cause responsible (responsible, my eye!) students to procrastinate? I think the reason lays in the fact that, and I think I speak for all Americans when I say this, homework is about as much fun as reading Moby Dick. Especially when the homework IS reading Moby Dick. In fact, the homework usually has about as much significance as Moby Dick, except that Moby Dick might have more practical application in the real world than homework. This is because I find it much more likely that I will become an obsessed, fury filled sailor bent on killing a whale, than ever becoming someone who has to use the Fundemental Theorem Of Calculus (who's fundementality should really be taken into question, like question in the form of the Inquisition) in a real life situation that does not involve boring hobbies. And so, homework haters everywhere refuse to do it until the last possible moment that they might. I think I'll restate it in bold letters, and in caps, so King Rich can have an easy time finding the poisson qui a fumé un ordinateur (literally, "important part of the blog"). END OF TERM SYNDROME IS CAUSED BECAUSE STUDENTS DON'T LIKE TO DO HOMEWORK UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND. Now I should probably post this before my last second is up.

Study: Fried Rice "The Stuff Of Legends"

Fried rice is like the culinary Sistine Chapel. It may even rival Micheal "Angelo" Buonarroti's work on that ceiling (yeah, he didn't build the chapel, he just graffitied the ceiling). Well, actually it definitely rates higher with me, mostly because you can eat fried rice, unlike naked Biblical people. I base this statement off a study of people who have the user name "Chlorine Addict." The study concluded that "fried rice is the ultimate expression of human creativity."

Main researcher Chlorine Addict stated, "Something about fried rice just calls upon the common man to add whatever he might want to. It's the stuff of legends!"

"I put in all sorts of meats: bacon, ham, hamburger, sausage, etc. The veggie is variable too! But the egg, that's static. There always has to be egg," exclaimed fried rice enthusiast Chlorine Addict.

What makes the way of the fried rice (Way Of The Rice sounds like a cheap karate movie) so appealing? Perhaps it's because as stated, almost anything can be put in it. There are thousands of possible permutations! This could potentially save millions of college students from "pizza fever," by making it possible to cook the same meal without ever, technically, cooking the same meal. Perhaps the popularity comes from the fact that preparation takes so little time. Maybe it's because it takes the intelligence that General George Armstrong Custer displayed in the Battle Of Little Big Horn (equivalent to the intelligence of the average fly, except in Argentina) to prepare it. For Chlorine Addict, dashing, handsome, courageous, intelligent superhero, "it's a good breakfast food. Especially when Mom hasn't picked up any other breakfast foods for a while. You can just take whatever's in the fridge." Not only does the description of that superhero sound like me, he also seems to have the attraction of fried rice correct!

Other fried rice related comments that I wasn't able to work into this blog, that I swear are absolutely true and not made up, unless I happen to be on trial for libel or slander:

-During his presidency, President William "Bill" Clinton was seen numerous times in his office late at night with a bowl of fried rice that was NOT his wife.

-President George "Weedwhacker" Bush stated, "Sometimes I have a nice bowl of fried rice to relieve the stress of fighting the Axis (a 23.5 degree tilt) of Evil."

-Rush Limbaugh admitted having an addiction to prescription fried rice.

-Nancy Pelosi declared that, "fried rice is the reason we won the House and the Senate."

-BYU Football Quarterback John Beck consumed a bowl of fried rice before the big bowl game against the Oregon "Ducks." The meat in the rice was, needless to say, duck.