Fried rice is like the culinary Sistine Chapel. It may even rival Micheal "Angelo" Buonarroti's work on that ceiling (yeah, he didn't build the chapel, he just graffitied the ceiling). Well, actually it definitely rates higher with me, mostly because you can eat fried rice, unlike naked Biblical people. I base this statement off a study of people who have the user name "Chlorine Addict." The study concluded that "fried rice is the ultimate expression of human creativity."
Main researcher Chlorine Addict stated, "Something about fried rice just calls upon the common man to add whatever he might want to. It's the stuff of legends!"
"I put in all sorts of meats: bacon, ham, hamburger, sausage, etc. The veggie is variable too! But the egg, that's static. There always has to be egg," exclaimed fried rice enthusiast Chlorine Addict.
What makes the way of the fried rice (Way Of The Rice sounds like a cheap karate movie) so appealing? Perhaps it's because as stated, almost anything can be put in it. There are thousands of possible permutations! This could potentially save millions of college students from "pizza fever," by making it possible to cook the same meal without ever, technically, cooking the same meal. Perhaps the popularity comes from the fact that preparation takes so little time. Maybe it's because it takes the intelligence that General George Armstrong Custer displayed in the Battle Of Little Big Horn (equivalent to the intelligence of the average fly, except in Argentina) to prepare it. For Chlorine Addict, dashing, handsome, courageous, intelligent superhero, "it's a good breakfast food. Especially when Mom hasn't picked up any other breakfast foods for a while. You can just take whatever's in the fridge." Not only does the description of that superhero sound like me, he also seems to have the attraction of fried rice correct!
Other fried rice related comments that I wasn't able to work into this blog, that I swear are absolutely true and not made up, unless I happen to be on trial for libel or slander:
-During his presidency, President William "Bill" Clinton was seen numerous times in his office late at night with a bowl of fried rice that was NOT his wife.
-President George "Weedwhacker" Bush stated, "Sometimes I have a nice bowl of fried rice to relieve the stress of fighting the Axis (a 23.5 degree tilt) of Evil."
-Rush Limbaugh admitted having an addiction to prescription fried rice.
-Nancy Pelosi declared that, "fried rice is the reason we won the House and the Senate."
-BYU Football Quarterback John Beck consumed a bowl of fried rice before the big bowl game against the Oregon "Ducks." The meat in the rice was, needless to say, duck.
Family Miracles
8 years ago
I really like fried rice with becon and eggs. That sounds incredibly good right now.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to note that the reason that Rome fell was because the Romans started eating their fried rice out of lead bowls, which led to even greater mutations in their offspring than in their variations of fried rice.
ReplyDeleteokay, so maybe i was wrong about yours not being hilarious!!! because it is... who can turn a stupid thing like fried rice into something my mother has to come in and ask if i am alright because i am laughing so hard? apparently you. congrats! oh... and sorry about being utterly annoying in sunday school. haha
ReplyDeleteCan you please tell me how you do it? You are incredible. Who would've thought that fried rice would ever make me laugh so hard? Your brain must be so amazingly complex to have come up with someting like that. Way to go.
ReplyDeleteWhoa! Cute way to write your name, (*Valeri Winn*)! Thanks! I try to be stupid! And uh... you really weren't annoying in Sunday School. I'm not easily annoyed. Though that "haha" really doesn't make the "sorry" seem sincere.
ReplyDeletethanks. and the sorry really wasn't sincere. but it was worth a try. haha. i just can't help myself. i swear i'm ocd or something. okay... so i'm just wondering... does natalie or "soccerball" like you, or... WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE???? haha. sorry, i couldn't resist.
ReplyDeletemark mark mark mark mark!!! haha hey! this is katie. uhm... you probably dont know. let me start over.. Hey! this is david's katie. there you go. now you know who i am. well, in a recent vote, you are the new ellected most hilarious man to ever walk to the planet! of course you were up against just me and valeri, who are... uh... EXTREMELY FUNNY you have no idea. but i've gotta give you props. the vote was anonymous. there were approximately one participants though, so dont get your hopes up. haha and i also decided something else: you should be on the newspaper staff. we need more people! and duh! IM on the newspaper staff. and valeri is GOING to be on the newspaper staff. you are an AMAZING writer.. do you want me to keep listing reasons? it's just another way chlorine addict, my favorite superhero will save the world from boring high school newspapers!!! hahaha well, you are basically my new favorite person. and i will talk to you later! and i agree with valeri's question... who do you like? soccerball or natalie? sounds logical to me. and if not either of them, then you have to tell me who, because if you dont i will drive you crazy until you do! that's how i work! hahaha well, this comment is basically a letter now, so i should leave. comment me back on me and valeri's page!! please :) haha talk to you later
ReplyDelete..::[[kAtE]]::..
The way that I spelled bacon was really cool. Honestly, you should write a spelling blog about me, Mark. And wow. There's a lot of talk about who you like. I think the only thing that needs to be said is that we're all good friends! (And also, Hannah and I are both head over heels in love with you.)
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'll write a blog called Mispelling Dos. That would be kind of cool. Maybe I should spell 'dos' like dose. Who knows, it could happen!
ReplyDeleteOh! And Katie, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to go onto your blog. Cause Valeri nearly killed me on Sunday telling me that I couldn't. She grabbed me by the collar, and then shoved me against a wall, and said, "Listen, punk! You're not gonna read that blog, or I'm gonna kill you!" So maybe I should get Valeri's approval first.
ReplyDeleteWow! I've obviously not checked blogs for way too long; I've missed a ton! And congrats, Mark, for your recent anonymous ellection. For some reason, I've never heard that term before. . . ;)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, kudos to Natalie for saying it like it is. While we both daydream about and admire Mark, the three of us are just really good friends. I may just be speaking for myself, but you two sure make my life a whole lot more enjoyable, so thanks!
Oh, and I'm kind of enjoying this new sense of anonymity (kind of like the recent humor ellections, although I still need to write my congressman) - Valeri and Katie don't know who I am! Well, I might come to like this secret identity. But, Mark, if you've already told them who I am, that's okay. But if not, I may want to revel (or "revell", according to recent double 'L' additions) in it for a while! Well, sorry so long!
*"Soccerball"/D.E./"Mark's favorite" - right?
Wow! Being the father of Chlorine Addict, I find the comments for this blog entry very interesting. I can understand why some hopeless lasses might be infatuated with my son, for after all, he has my good looks, intelligence, wit, and humility. A winning combination! My apologies to the lovely young ladies. I should have gone childless rather than unleash this handsome devil upon the world.
ReplyDeletehaha! Dang, I guess I can't marry Mark... but that's okay. I'll live after I spend a few days sulking in a dark room eating nothing but chocolate ice cream and watching reruns of "General Hospital" But in do time, I will recoperate. (and don't make fun of me if I just spelled half of those smart people words wrong) But anyway. I agree with Val, you might as well just steer clear of our page.. it's better that way. But I'm proud of your honestly. And so we are all clear, everything IS clear! Friends are good... now that we all understand each other... I can continue my commenting: So are you going to do the swim meet on Saturday? And I had another question, but I have no idea what it was, I forgot. Typical katie for you right there :P haha Well, anyways. I think I'm going to leave now. I will talk to you later! And nice new post. you make me laugh
ReplyDeletehello everybody! now that i have officially found out that everyone reads these things... i say hi to all. and mark, no way in heck can you ever read my blog, or anyone else that happens to skim acrost it, NEVER!!! you hear me! and ya, i did pin him up against a wall, but i had other plans in doing so instead of saying "punk"? more like muah! luvs!
ReplyDeleteI will not be going to the swim meet tomorrow. Because I hate swim meets, and I'm not going to San Diego, so I basically have absolutely no incentive to go race for nothing. Sorry to burst your bubble, [[.:Katie:.]]. But you'll still see... what was it that Kyler said...? AHA!!! Mr. Chlorine!
ReplyDeletehey mark! this is obviously katie, and now you can comment me back because i have my own blog and you dont have to risk death. Hm.. what a way to die. Death by Valeri. That is threatening enough. AHH! Run for your life! well anyway, I hope you have a fantastic...day/night... depends on when you read this. ugh. whatever. see ya!
ReplyDelete