Asian Supremacy

Yesterday, I went to a stake service project. There, I was forced to stuff little fleece balls full of batting for about two hours. I soon came to realize that my brothers and I were much more adept at this than the others. It got me thinking, is there some sort of reason for this? The answer is yes. Genetics. You see, the Asian sweatshop genes just happen to be in my genetic code. My body automatically makes a protein that fosters quick reflexes and movements, making me the ultimate factory worker. Why else was the Chinese Exclusion Act passed in the 1800's if not to protect inferior Americans from being displaced by superior Chinese labor?

In case you haven't guessed, this week's topic is Asian Supremacy. The days of white supremacy and the Aryan race are gone. Today's perfect race is Asian. This is manifest in the number of people desperately irradiating themselves to be a color that we Asians naturally happen to be. It is manifest in the number of Asians who do better than others in schools. But this is not to say that Asians are without fault. We do have squinty eyes, but who knows? That could become as fashionable as being tan. Besides, squinty eyes look really good when making an evil face.

In the event that inferior whites attempt to fight back, they will be eliminated. For starters, while English may be an intelligible mass of contradicting spelling rules, Asian languages are intelligible masses of squiggly lines, and are impossible to pronounce. Up until this date, I have only ever met one person who is able to say my Chinese name correctly, and he is the future President, and also has awesome eyes, so he's practically an Asian brother. In fact, he has demonstrated his amazing Asian sweatshop skills on many an occasion. However, even if the languages are decoded and understood, no one is a match for the Asian powers of karate. People should have watched enough Jackie Chan and Jet Li movies to know that we are unbeatable. They should have realized our powers of flight from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Lastly, they should have realized our ability to write blogs for credit in English class from reading mine.