This is it. The final blog that I'll have to write for Sir (King) Rich. Never again will I use a joke that begins with "Unless your name is Captain, My Captain..." Never again will any blog be contrived to prove "analysis and synthesis" were occurring. I cannot even guarantee that I will ever "analyze and synthesize" again. It fills me with anguish. There is an empty spot in my heart where "analysis and synthesis" once resided. I feel that I will probably end up filling it by eating for comfort. And yet, as the cliche goes, life goes on. And so, I will look back on this year, and see just how my paradigm has been enriched through "analysis and synthesis."
I feel that I have increased my ability to draw connections between random isolated events, such as Peeps and Howard Dean. This will be infinitely useful in the future, when I become a conspiracy buff. I will also probably now actually be able to figure out who committed the crime in Law And Order before the end of the show. And this will all be accomplished by putting random bits of information together that have no connection.
I feel that I have also increased my ability to attack anyone and anything. I have upheld the virtues of Asian society and ability, maligned the Mexicans, scorned the British, and mocked the French. I have attacked Christmas. I've slandered Democrats and Republicans alike. I've mocked the school system, derided fads, and disparaged the law. I've disrespected civil engineers, Dr. Suess and garbage men. I feel confident that I could take this trait and become a radio personality and do a great job like Imus and Al Sharpton.
Thus, at the close of this year, I feel that blogging has empowered me. No subject is too large, too abstract, or too respectable to be attacked. No connection cannot be proven through manipulation of facts and "concrete detail." This assignment has prepared me for the real world. I feel that I will someday change the world in much the same way that Josef Stalin did. But first, I have to make it through the last few weeks of school. Sir Rich, this is the Chlorine Addict, over and out.
Family Miracles
8 years ago
Ah, it warms my heart to see how education has led to great personal growth. The world needs more people who can create conspiracy theories and sow social malaise. I’m sure there’s a place for you in advertising. You could devise new disease-propagating animated creatures, like the fungus bugs who party under toenails or the mucus monster that live in snot-coated nasal passages. Or you could write speeches for politicians. They thrive off of made-up stuff.
ReplyDeleteYou are hilarious Mark. =D
ReplyDeleteMark, I have loved reading your blogs. Your anaytical writing is clear, logical, well-supoorted, consise and entertaining. That is difficult to do, but you pull it off.
ReplyDeleteWow. You got way better reviews than Ky.
ReplyDeleteI, likewise, have loved reading your blogs. I hope this does not mark the end of your social commentaries and cultural attacks, however malignant they may be. If you need further incentive to continue writing blogs, I'm sure I could convince Mr. Jones to require them as part of the AP course; after all, I do have some sway in that area. If this still does not seem appealing, just remember that you could always take normal English and do a senior project! J/K -- thanks for writing hilarious blogs!
ReplyDeleteI had no idea that blogging was now described as "RETRO"
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