Yellowstone: Old Faithful Blows

I went on the Geology field trip this weekend. I'm not going to pull a Clinton and ask people to define "geology field trip" when it's obvious. I'll come out in the open and admit it. We went to Yellowstone. In an overview, I'll just say that it was kind of lame. Geysers constantly erupted sulfur and water into the air. Let's just say the place stinks and blows. Literally. I mean, who wants to see a bunch of holes in the ground spewing water and steam? You see one geyser and you've seen 'em all. But I think it's about time that I revert back to the trusty "title and blasphemy" method of summarizing. After you read this, go to ludwig2028.blogspot.com to see the ultimate picture summary of the trip.

Sir Clark- Unstoppable


Nothing can stop Sir Clark. No one stops Sir Clark. Ever.

Old Faithful- Fidelity Is Highly Overrated

We went to see Old Faithful. You can't not go see it (take that, English teachers! Double Negative Punch!). This is because its regularity is greatly appreciated in a day and age when fidelity is all but ditched on the Roadside Of The Highway Of Ditched Morals. However, when I got there, it was twenty minutes late in erupting. So much for being faithful. Obviously celebrity status has made Old "Faithful" Hill (Faith Hill, get it? HAHA!!!) feel like it can ditch punctuality on the Roadside Of The Highway of Ditched Courtesies.

It's really not that great anyways. I mean, I could have made Old Faithful with my garden hose. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Old Faithful is just a hose operated by some government guy. It erupted late because the guy fell asleep. Stupid bureaucracy.

Attack Of The Geyser Crabs

Kyler and I were looking into one of those disgusting hot springs, when Kyler said, "Wouldn't it be cool if I could create a fish that could withstand boiling water?"

"Oh, they've already got worms and crabs that can!" Declared the father of a certain Canadian that I happen to know, whose name rhymes with Monsteel.

Later, Kyler and I were kind of confused. "How exactly do you cook a crab that can withstand boiling water?" asked Kyler.

"I dunno, maybe you could freeze it first," said Preston.

So for the whole trip, Kyler and I were watching out for those geyser crabs. I've heard that they are quite vicious. Several times, buffalo tracks would go into the "thermal crust" and then disappear. I'm sure the geyser crabs got them. And that "one guy's" son also got attacked, obviously. He came to school with a brace on his ankle the next day.

Attack Of The Buffalos Too


Yellowstone is home to a lot of these guys. Personally, I think they never should have made it onto the Federal Endangered Species List. I think they should go on the Federal "Things That Make Great Burgers" List. But I'm not a rich Congressperson who gets complimentary meals from lobbyists. So instead, I'll try and show the darker side of the buffalo to the public, as sort of a complimentary meal from this lobbyist.

It may look cute and fuzzy, but this is actually a monster. A man eating, ferocious beast. Look at this sign I found in the bathroom:
Yeah, not a friendly little guy. Look at him toss that little Japanese tourist! He even hates Asians! I mean, these things are monsters! They terrorize the park! The rangers are scared of them! They're so rebellious that they commonly defecate in areas that people aren't allowed to go. Somehow, they get into enclosures penned up with a two foot rail, make their statement, and get out again! It's probably some sort of way to show the gang territory of these vicious creatures. I say we abolish them. Meaning, we kill them all and have a National Buffalo Burger Appreciation Day. Congresspeople love to make national holidays while they enjoy their complimentary meals. Pretty soon we'll have National Holiday Appreciation Day.

The Asian Mafia- Perfect In Every Way

We played Mafia. It's a fun game. However one of the games was the ultimate, perfect game of mafia. Not a single member of the mafia died. Those who were sitting on the log formed a voting block. And three of them, including the Asian, were Mafia. Those who spoke against them were quickly dealt with, and as the power of the citizens dwindled, the power of the Mafia increased. Eventually, the members of the Log Block that weren't Mafia had to be killed, but they had served their purpose. It's creepy how awesome organized crime can be.

The Sign Section
I always have this section, and it's always in the beginning of the summary. So I decided to switch it up, and maybe startle you hard core veteran summary readers.

The first awesome sign I saw was that there is a city called Hitt. I'm sure they don't get much done there. How productive can you be when you just sit around hitting each other. I mean, here is a bunch of people who love violence so much that they named their city Hitt? Someone give them a copy of Halo. Or maybe they're all a bunch of mafia hit men...

Unfortunately, I can't remember anything else. It's been so long ago that I forgot (five seconds after I got home). So there it is. The summary. It's a little late, but beggars can't be choosers, eh? Not that I'm saying you're all beggars, but... ok so I was. I'm done. Please send hate mail to my house. The address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington, DC 20500.