No Adult Left Behind

Yesterday, I participated in the swim meet against Lehi and Pleasant Grove. When I swam my 500 yard freestyle, a race that involves 20 25 yard laps, I finished third, about two seconds after the fastest time. After the "congratulating complete strangers on a good job" phase of the race, the lady who was timing for my lane told me that I still had another two laps to swim. This didn't make much sense to me, but I swam them anyways. Later, it turned out that I had simply swam an extra 50 yards. This raises a question in my mind: Why in the world did the lady think I still had more to swim? Perhaps this was because she miscounted, and only counted 18 laps, rather 20, which was a mistake I was totally understanding of, despite the facts that there were people counting the laps on the other side of the pool, that I had personally counted 20, and that I was never passed by the other guys who had finished at about the same time I did, and who had consequently also counted to 20.

Jim Noorlander, Constitution Party Congressional Candidate for Utah's 3rd district, stated that "the number one problem... is what's being taught, and how it's being taught" in a recent debate. Not only does using this quote in this blog add "credibility" and "a professional feel", but it also raises the idea that perhaps the problem extends beyond this to include who is being taught! The federal government has, using the 'elastic clause' (which actually has nothing to do with elastics, rubberbands, etc.) as justification, instituted a program called No Child Left Behind. In this program, EVERY child must pass standardized tests designed to be passable by the average student. Who has happened to receive a labotomy. Perhaps, given the outstanding success rate of this program, adults should get their own program. No Adult Left Behind. There are numerous benefits from this sort of a program, including, but not limited to, adults of voting age suddenly realizing what a drag the tests are, and then not voting against them, in a classic display of the voter apathy that makes this country so great.

However, required education has been in place for so long that there is no reason that all adults should have received at least a rudimentary education in the American tradition of memorizing useless bits of data. So, what is to blame for the degeneration of the adult mind? An obvious answer would use television as a scapegoat. And so, to avoid further thought, this blog will do exactly that. Television is to blame!!! Though this statement is strong, it still needs concrete detail to back it up, preferably in the form of made up statistical data. However, this blogger is too lazy to look up any real data, so he will be forgoing the statistics. Instead, there will be an inflamatory remark that will get people so riled up that they won't notice that I am dodging the concrete detail requirement. Television plays off basic human instincts to keep the morons who watch it from consciously making decisions that might possibly involve pushing the power button!!! That's right. Morons. Morons who just got too angry to look for concrete details. It keeps viewers interested with sensationalism and sex for long enough for advertisers to use the thoughtless stupor created to guide viewers into buying their products. News shows pretend to be objective while forcing their ideals upon the viewers who unthinkingly accept them as objective fact. Without use, not unlike muscles, the brain molders, and this leads to the degeneration of the adult mind. Quite frankly, this trend is alarming and wrong. A democratic society cannot rely on thoughtless voters. And I cannot rely on thoughtless timers.