Red Light, Green Light... Yellow Light?

What cherished aspect of society should I ruthlessly mock today? Who's favorite tradition should I rip apart with no regard for others' feelings? Well, you guessed it (or more likely, you didn't), today I will be "analyzing" the culture of yellow lights. Now, a small child from a third world country probably wouldn't understand why this is such a big deal, but this is America, land of consumerism and WalMart, where you sit back in your plush chair and think, "This is such a good topic to discuss!" But only if you're a sycophant. Otherwise, you're thinking, "What a moron!"

So what exactly makes yellow lights such a controversial subject? Perhaps it is because of the many different definitions of "yellow light" in the community. The Utah Driver's Handbook (Utah Driver's Bible) states that a yellow light tells drivers to "clear the intersection." Definitions of "yellow light" range from this to the commonly held belief that "if it turns yellow, speed up!" The other day, when I was with a person, who will remain unnamed to protect a "not so innocent" from the law, a light turned yellow about 40 feet away from us. Instead of slowing down to a stop, this individual decided to go about 100 miles over the speed limit, so that we could get into the intersection. Needless to say, he, I mean, this person, ran a red light. However, I'm sure that if I had asked, the response would be, "Well, an inch of my bumper was in the intersection before the light turned red!" What could drive (literally drive, haha... I'll just stop) a person to do such a thing? One word: Impatience.

Webster's Dictionary defines "impatience" as "a lack of patience". This bit of information was not only useless, but was also easily contrived from the fact that "impatience" is simply "patience" with an "im" in front of it. However, it provides the vital function of filling space. There is a common saying that goes along the lines of, "He who first smelt it, dealt it." Wait no! That was "Patience is a virtue!" However, American society seems to be shunning this and other virtues (ex. Foley, and his discarding of virtues like chastity, morality, "not being like Micheal Jackson"). Everything has to be done quicker, and if at all possible, instantaneously. Like Little Caesar's pizza's "hot and ready to go" pizzas, which only go to further the impatience crisis. This impatience is creeping into our society and infecting people with the "yellow light mentality" and will probably eventually begin showing up in sayings of its own. Like "wait not, want not". The problem of the "yellow light mentality" is really becoming a major part of our society. No one is safe from it. Unless we take action and - you know what? I'm sick and tired of waiting for this to get over.