Jingle Bells? Or Just The Money Jingling In Your Pocket?

America. The land of freedom. The "nation under God, with liberty, and justice for all". The land where it is a Constitutional right to create a Christmas CD. Yes, anyone, except quite possibly Dennis Rodman, can slow down Christmas songs to show "feeling" in the United States. Any random bum off the street can create his own inspiring lyrics that uplift not only the soul, but also commercialism. This explains the Beach Boys singing about the "little St. Nick" when they (the Beach Boys) have nothing to do with anything (Christmas). In fact, the Civil War actually occurred not because of the issue of slavery, but because Southern plantation owners refused to let their slaves create Christmas music. In response, Honest "Abe" Lincoln stated in his Gettysburg address that "fourscore and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposistion that all men might write a Christmas album." However, libel aside, this blog seeks not to prove the existence of this Christmas Album Culture, but rather the reasons behind it.

Some people would say that music artists write Christmas music because they simply love Christmas music. These people are stupid. No normal person would sing emotionally about a snowman, or a mutated reindeer with a red nose. No, the real reason behind Christmas CDs is money. Now this may sound like déjà vu (French for: a very good reason), but just because it's been the answer for the last two blogs, doesn't mean that I just don't want to think of a new analytical reason. People who write these songs are making loads of money. This is because everyone listens to some form of Christmas music. People are out there listening to The Best Of Darth Brooks Christmas, or whatever other style of music they might like. For example, in Math, everyday, we come in to the class, and listen to some great hick Christmas music. I mean, this stuff is great! I can just see this cowboy, with a cowboy hat, and a peice of straw in his mouth, tapping his boots to the beat, singing about the birth of Jesus to his cows. Even cows need a little bit of spiritual music (they're not all rockers, you know). And because people like to listen to Christmas music at this time of year, they will buy any Christmas album that is like the music they usually listen to. There's tons of money to be made in this industry! I think I'm gonna go right now, and write my own Christmas Album, and be rich and famous and powerful, like Dennis Rodman. And if my parents try to stop me, Civil War II.