Humor: A Healthy Alternative To Sporting

I'm a pretty funny guy. Who's not a Narcissist. People just tell me I'm funny. And I wonder why. I think for this week, I'll come out and bluntly state what I'm going to "analyze," so Sir Rich will have an easy time finding the "meat" (beef) of the blog is. I'm going to find one reason for why I use so much humor, and then blatantly ignore all other possibilities.

First, in order to talk about this, not to mention fill up space, we have to define humor. The Free Online Dictionary defines humor as, "a body fluid, such as-" What in the? No wonder this thing is free! For some reason they think that just because they offer a free service, they can be as sloppy as they want! I think we should bite them. Maybe we should write to our congressperson supporting the Bite Act, which would make the mandatory punishment for doing something stupid being bitten by a special professional biter. These professional biters would have to go through a complex qualification process, which would consist of being able to chew through something hard, like the plastic fruit old ladies like to trick people with at parties. I guess I'm just going to define humor myself. Humor is funny. And I don't mean those lame jokes that have been around forever, probably from the time of the ancient Greeks, or maybe the Egyptians. I can only imagine that when Howard "How 'ard? Very hard!" Carter unearthed the tomb of Tut, he found ancient Egyptian jokes in there. "What do you call a humpless camel? A humpless camel!!!" (these were very primitive jokes)

Now... what could possibly account for me being funny? Well, quite frankly, I'm sure it was a cover up. I developed humor to cover the fact that I can't play sports. The other boys were all doing back flips, hitting home runs, and demonstrating their strength by lifting the school, etc. And I have the physical ability of gravel. So I decided to be funny. Now, it's just an automatic reflex. Someone will lift their car, and to "one up" them (does this have to do with the One Ups, like in Mario?), I'll say, "That reminds me of a joke..." I'll admit it, it's a hit every time. I'm sure all around the world, guys everywhere are doing this. This explains why sports guys aren't funny. You never see a Quarter Back telling a joke before the game. No, they're always talking about how they're going to dominate. And the announcers, who all used to play football aren't funny, either. I was watching the BYU vs. Oregon ("Home of the Ducks!") game, and the announcers were awful! They were talking and all laughing, and displaying little plastic action figures, like it was the funniest joke ever. I didn't even smile. My reaction went something along the lines of, "what a bunch of losers." But it doesn't matter. They didn't have sports inadequacies to hide. They are free to make bad jokes, and be as stupid as they want. At least until Congress passes the Bite Act, that is.